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• Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
• Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
• What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
• What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
• Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
• What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
• What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat?
• What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
• How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
• Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering.
• Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes.
• Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
• What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.
• What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
• What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.
• What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
• What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show!
• What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!
• Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
• What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
• What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
• What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.
• If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
• Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.
• If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats.
• Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.
• How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.
• What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.
• What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.
• What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory.
• What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
• How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
• What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.
• Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical.
• What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter.
• What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
• How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.
• Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.
• If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed.
• What is a cat's favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."
• What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.
• Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't? Your lap.
• Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.
• What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.
• What is a cat's favourite car? The Catillac.
• What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.
• Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
• What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
• Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
• Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.